I signed up for an animal education course at our local community college. I thought I was going to learn how to train Blackie the dog not to poop in the bedroom. I was wrong. It was some kind of animal anatomy and physiology class.
The first evening, Professor Grinwoe circulated a pop quiz for all students to complete. “This is to assess your knowledge before commencing the seminar,” he intoned.
The complexity of the test questions was overwhelming:
- Ethmoturbinates form the ventral margin a horse’s nostrils. True? Or False?
- A zebra’s gastrocnemius flexes the stifle and extends the hock. True? Or False?
- The gizzard of a squash is distal to the proventriculus. False? Or True?
- Flamingos have several pancreases. Yes? Or No?
- The life span of a chinchilla is longer than the half-life of a dill pickle. False? Or False?
- Rabbits are monogastric hindgut fermenters. Si? O No?
- The digital flexor tendon is responsible for bringing about the perching reflex so that ostriches can land on twigs without falling to the ground. Oui? Ou Non?
- The hallux is the foot of a gerbil. Sim? Ou Não?
- The average litter size of a rat is 80 every month. Yell? Or Scream?
- The triceps is responsible for the extension of the Ankole-Watusi cow elbow. Ja? Oder Nein?
- The infraspinatus asparagus abducts and rotates the forelimb. Ee-Mah? Ah-High? Ooot Ah-High-La?
- The bronchitis muscle protracts and retracts the forelimb and abducts the catfish ear. כן או ?לא?
- The female rabbit develops a large fold of skin under the left whisker known as a dewlap flap. Да? или нет?
- The upper lip is divided into philtrum, which aids in getting people by the short hairs. What? Or Who?
- Jackals are unable to vomit because of the arrangement of the cardia in relation to their knuckles. Flea? Fly? Or Flue?
- The foreleg of the pig has 5 toes? Or Not?
- Essay Question: When did you stop kicking your neighbor’s groundhog?
The quiz was not easy for me, but I passed with walking colors. I know you think I’m smart, but I’m not, because I cheated.
Next week we’re going to learn about painting the lips of ladybugs for Valentine’s Day. I better start studying.
Meanwhile, I have to clean the bedroom floor.