My daughter helped me set up my phone so that words I’m texting will automatically correct themselves before I finish typing them. She said that this is known as the “auto-spell” feature. It is supposed to be convenient, but it doesn’t always work that way. I was driving to an appointment the other day, when she texted me:
“Hi, Dad, it’s Rachel.”
I put my cereal bowl on the dashboard and pulled my phone from my pocket. Holding the steering wheel with my elbow, I texted, “Hi, Racer, hover yogurt toddy?”
She texted back, “Dad, turn off your auto-spell. It’s causing problems with your texting skills again.”
“Go to ‘Messages’ and then scroll to ‘Settings’.”
“Oaken. The whittle?”
“Click on ‘Settings’.”
“I’m tryst, but boat not worming becalm my scream keeps goading blanch. Can u leaf me knot how 2 kelp my backlight on for a long shore speck? It offers after an only secondary.”
“I saint, I is tried to got settlers, but mine screen door blackfish, because I donut hole how longer the live cellulite level monastery backlight at is.”
“Or what u ever call itch.”
By this time, my fingers were tired, so I pulled over and stopped the car so I could finish this text conversation.
“Dad,” texted Rachel, “I can’t understand a thing you’re texting. Can you just FaceSlap me now?”
“Actuary no, buzz I’m in the cart gnarly. I while call yo.”
“Why don’t you just call me?”
“Yet, that what I justice say. Let meet gone to mind speech dialysis now. Talk 22 you in a mice.”
“Okay,” texted Rachel, and she signed off.
I hit back, back, back on the keypad and then pressed 5, which is Rachel’s speed-dial number. I heard her phone ringing on the other end.
“Hello, Dad?” said Rachel.
“Yes, hi Rachel. How are you?” I said.
“I’m fine,” said Rachel.
“That’s good,” I said. “What were you texting me about?”
“Nothing, I just wanted to say ‘hi’.”
“Well, gotta’ go,” said Rachel.
“Okay, bye,” I said.
I pulled back onto the road and continued to eat my cereal. This texting is not what it’s cracked up to be, I said to myself. Then a cop ticketed me for wearing my seatbelt over the wrong shoulder.